Wednesday, December 15, 2010

On Blogging

Another post so soon? Could it be that I'm actually going to make this blog happen? No promises, but I'm going to try. I thought I'd share a few words about why getting this blog going has been a bit of a struggle.

The obvious one is I have MS! If you're reading this, you most likely know the drill.....fatigue, focus issues, etc. Sometimes putting thoughts into coherent streams seems like an insurmountable task, so instead I just flip semi-mindlessly though the pages of the web.

A bigger issue for me is my perfectionist streak. It doesn't show up in all areas of my life, but often when I decide that I want to do something, I want to do it right, however I might define that. In terms of blogging, I had the idea that I wanted a set design that I was completely satisfied with, including the appropriate collection of widgets and a perfectly selected blogroll. Well, I'm an indecisive perfectionist and I've had lots of trouble deciding on various design elements as nothing seems to be just right. I became overwhelmed after many little sessions of tinkering and never got around to making decisions....or any actual blogging. As for the blog roll? There are a LOT of MS blogs out there! There were a few I had read off and on in the past, but since I was going to do this right, I decided I needed to comb through the entire list and find the perfect list of blogs that I wanted to keep up with. Once again, I became overwhelmed pretty quickly and never got around to much blogroll-creating or blogging. And I felt it important to post regularly, on some sort of predictable schedule, but the idea of a set schedule felt stressful and again, overwhelming.

So, I'm fighting my nature and trying to let go of my vision of perfection. I'm not satisfied yet with the design, but here I am anyway! I'll tinker here and there along the way. And as for the blogroll? Doesn't exist yet, but I'm not letting it stop me. I have, however, made significant progress in narrowing down the list. It's been a little tough to decide how to rank and rate blogs, but I'm getting there. I tend to enjoy reading the musings of bloggers who write pretty regularly, write well, have a nice mix of MS and life, and have a more positive outlook. I've had to remove from my list blogs that dogmatically preach THE cure or answer or solution to MS woes and those that are ALWAYS negative and depressing. Soon, my blogroll of recommended blogs will adorn this not-perfect-but-I'm-okay-with-that design. And while I still want to post with regularity, I'm not going to require a specific quota or set schedule of myself.

Finally, on a more philosophical note, I've struggled with whether spending time and energy focusing on my MS is necessarily healthy. I don't want to be defined by the disease, and it seems like writing a blog about being someone with MS is at least pointing in that direction. I guess I feel like MS has forced itself into enough of my life already, so why should I purposely add to its voice? I still haven't quite answered this one, but my MS muse tells me that it's a matter of perspective. The refrain of "I may have MS, but it doesn't have me" is a common one in the blogosphere, and I think this perspective is healthy, so I'm adding my voice to the chorus. Also, I've been hesitant to really interact with other people affected by MS (for similar philosophical reasons, I suppose) but in spending time reading so many MS blogs, I've found myself inspired to push through my hesitancy and fears to join and interact with a group of spirited, funny and intelligent fellow humans, who just happen to have MS.

1 comment:

Garrett said...

I'm glad you posted some stuff here Kayla!