Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Resolutions, part 1

Earlier this week, I resolved to have a New Year's Resolutions post up by the 1st, so it seems like I've already started my year off with a failure!  Or not...because one of my biggest resolutions this year is to let go of my plans of perfection (like I previously discussed in relation to blogging) and follow through anyway.  A major pattern in my life has been not doing things I want to do and plan to do because I can't do them in the "perfect" way I've envisioned and planned, so I do nothing. Or I give up and stop anything I've started when I fall short of the perfect.  So this year, my only official resolution is to push past my ideas of perfection and just do it anyway, imperfectly.

This will play out in many unofficial resolutions, which I'm not writing down and formally committing to (because that would be part of the old pattern of perfection and setting unobtainable goals).  For example, health.  I'd like to improve here in several areas. (Wouldn't we all?) Discontent about the areas of my health that I can't control has led me to not do much about all the areas that I can control. I need to take more responsibility for my health.  There are the usual stereotypical resolution areas like getting fitter, eating better, losing weight, etc. and these are all areas I can improve on.  I'd also like to become a more empowered patient and get more involved with the MS community.

The idea is that I've known all of the little things that I want to be doing towards these goals for a long time, but I just don't do them, often because of my paralyzing drive for perfection.  So, I plan to try to act on, rather than just think about doing these things, when they come up.  I plan to look my need for perfection in the face and tell it that I'm not going to let it hold me back and just move forward anyway.  Perhaps a little paradoxically, my primary goal this year is not to hit the target, but to keep releasing arrows in that direction.

Expect another post on the subject of resolutions later, as I have more to say on the subject that I think deserves its own post.

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