Something happened the other day that I'm struggling to let go of. In many ways, it's not a very big deal and in many ways, it's funny. But, it's also bumming me out. I'll get to the story in a minute. I'm bummed out mostly because it made me notice for the first time in a while just how clumsy I am these days. By clumsy, I mostly mean that I drop things (my phone, meds, keys, glasses and dishes, etc.) A LOT, and I bump into things (walls, doorways, chairs, etc.) A LOT. Like multiple times a day, every day. This is another thing that has just slowly and steadily gotten worse over the years that I should have mentioned here when I talked about the "little things" that have been progressing.
For the most part, this isn't a big deal. Yes, I've broken quite a few dishes and glasses over the past few years. Yes, I've gotten a few bruises. Yes, I have shattered many a phone screen, and learned that the "life-proof" Otterbox cases are not up to the rigors of my life, apparently. But for the most part, none of this is a big deal. Stuff is replaceable and bruises heal. As of now, no serious injuries or massive expenses have come as a result of my clumsiness. And I know that everyone drops stuff sometimes and everyone bumps into things sometimes. And it's not a big deal.
I asked my mom yesterday, just making sure, "have I always been clumsy?" She assured me that I was not a clumsy person before, which I knew or thought I did. But I am clumsy now, without question. The rate of this stuff happening is just exponentially bigger. And that bums me out. Even though it's not really a big deal each little time I am "clumsy." The frequency with which these little times happen is a big deal. And it is definitely a big deal to know that this rate of clumsiness may well get worse, even a lot worse, over time.
First, the backstory - as you probably know, I play the horn. This is a brass instrument with a gaggle of tubes that you can remove to empty the instrument of condensation. It's colloquially referred to as "spit" but this isn't the time or place to explain to you why that's inaccurate. ;-) It's something I have done literally tens of thousands of times. It's something I have to do, dozens of times, every single time I play the instrument.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that this happened before the concert started and not during the concert! I don't know what I would have done if this happened mid-performance. You better believe that every time I emptied my horn during the concert I did it slowly and with a death grip on the slide. Emptying my horn is something I typically do without thinking. No longer! When I play now (in public, anyway), I'll be paying a lot more attention and using a forceful grip and trying to make sure this doesn't happen again.
I literally have no idea how this actually happened. I don't think I had any numbness or a tremor in that hand that day to explain this. Then again, sometimes I'm not entirely consciously aware of symptoms like these. Dropping something is one thing, but unintentionally throwing something?
So, I'm a clumsy person now. I drop things, I bump into things, and now I apparently throw things. So far, I only throw really expensive stuff, though. Which is great.
Any other throw-stuff klutzes out there, MS-related or otherwise?